The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."